She lost interest in sex. What now?

Hello, Bella Club reader! Let's talk about a subject that many men face, but few have the courage to discuss openly: when your partner seems to have lost interest in sex. That same woman who used to be all over you is now more interested in the new episode of the series or in going to bed early. If this is what you're going through, take a deep breath - you're not alone, and there are more ways to resolve this situation than you might think.

Understand that it is more common than it seems

First, know that this happens in almost every relationship at some point. That early phase, where you barely leave the bedroom, is fueled by hormones and novelty—two elements that naturally adjust over time. This doesn’t mean the desire is gone, just that it’s entered a new phase that requires different approaches.

What could be happening?

Before you point fingers or panic, understand that decreased female sexual desire usually has identifiable causes:

Stress and fatigue

It seems obvious, but it's amazing how much we ignore this. Modern women often balance work, home, studies and, in many cases, children. The female brain has more difficulty than the male brain in "turning off" worries and getting into the mood.

What to do: Offer real help with household chores (without having to be reminded), create a relaxing environment, and consider that a night's sleep may be more necessary than a night of sex at certain times.

Predictable routine

Always doing it the same way, at the same time, in the same place... Predictability is the enemy of female desire. While we men generally don't mind the repetition of something pleasurable, women tend to get bored more easily with patterns.

What to do: Surprise. I'm not just talking about exotic positions, but the whole context. Change the environment, the time, the approach. An invitation to a motel on Tuesday afternoon or a surprise dinner can rekindle that flame.

Hormonal issues

Changes in hormone levels due to stress, medications (especially birth control), thyroid problems, or even approaching menopause can drastically decrease female libido.

What to do: Encourage a visit to the gynecologist. Not as a suggestion that "there is something wrong with her," but as part of a health care routine that can benefit her overall well-being.

You might be "that guy"

Let’s be honest: have you been a good partner? Have you been listening to her, sharing quality time, showing affection outside of a sexual context? Women connect sexual desire with emotional desire much more intensely than most men.

What to do: Invest in emotional connection. Send loving messages throughout the day, small gestures of affection, show that you see her as a person and not just as a sexual partner.

Bring up the subject, but don’t turn it into pressure.

The worst thing you can do is turn sex into an obligation or a reason for argument. Instead of asking, “Why don’t you want more?” which sounds like an accusation, try a more constructive approach:

"I miss our intimacy and I wanted to understand if there is anything I can do differently"

"I've been thinking of ways to make our time together more special."

"Do you have any fantasies or desires that you've never told me about?"

It's not just about technique, it's about connection

Many men think the problem is in the "performance," when in reality it's in the connection. The media sells us the idea that women want a "stud," but most women actually want an attentive man who makes them feel desired, safe, and understood.

Sex starts long before the bedroom. It starts with the way you treat her at breakfast, in the texts you send her throughout the day, in the kiss you give her after work.

What if nothing works?

If you’ve tried everything and the situation persists, consider couples therapy. There’s no shame in this—on the contrary, it shows maturity and commitment to the relationship. A trained therapist can help identify deeper issues that you may not be able to see.

In some cases, there may be individual psychological issues such as depression, past trauma or anxiety that need to be treated separately.

Understand that sex isn't everything (but it's important)

A healthy relationship isn’t just about sexual frequency, but it also can’t survive well without physical intimacy. The important thing is to find a balance that works for both of you, without anyone feeling pressured or neglected.

The good news is that couples who are able to overcome these low-frequency sexual phases often report that intimacy returns even better because they have learned to communicate and understand each other's needs.

Regaining your partner's sexual interest is not an exact science, but an art that involves patience, understanding and, most importantly, communication. Remember that women's desire works differently than men's - while ours tends to be more spontaneous, theirs tends to be responsive, needing context and connection.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? How did you resolve it? Share your experiences in the comments - your story may help other readers who are going through the same thing.

Until the next column!