Up to what point should we help?

I usually catch myself thinking if we should help people no matter what – and I do it considering my daily activities. Some cities in Brazil have these guys we call ‘flanelinhas’ working on the streets looking after the cars that drivers park along busy avenues, roads, and important parts of town. Well, if we currently have to pay to be able to park on the streets, we shouldn’t have to pay to these guys as well – and most of us do out of fear of what our car may look like when we return. We want or vehicles intact, so we give them some change for the sake of it. I got to say I don’t like this at all.

That’s the way I see other examples, too. When we help just because we feel we have to, not out of solidarity. In a world full of sharing and like-countings, we find ourselves trying to be perfect all the time, trying to being seen as correct, transparent, sincere people. We’re connected 24/7, all of our attitudes are monitored, so watch out! People may be out there just waiting for you to slip so they can comment about it!

I think about helping others considering a few things. I believe helping can’t be something good for others, and messy for us. Here’s a practical example: when you offer a lift to someone, you have two main alternatives: that person either stops somewhere along your route, or you go off your route to leave that person where he/she needs to be. Well, even if you go out of your way once in a while, if you do it because you actually feel like it, it’s perfect! But most of the time we don’t actually feel like going off route, and we do it anyway because what will the person think of me? I’m not a selfish person! People can’t think that of me!

There’s another example I hate: people who use the social media to post images of sick children while asking ‘how many likes does this child deserves?’ I mean, c’mon! Why do they do that, anyway? To my knowledge it’s only so other people will think: look how much they care. Or maybe to get some extra followers. The good thing about it all is that I’ve been realizing most people aren’t into these kind of posts anymore, posts that are empty, degrading, sad.

You want to help? Go to an orphanage, offer some kind of cooperation, donate something you no longer use, volunteer. Help someone to carry their groceries, be patient in traffic, help an old lady to cross the street. Help your son to read, your daughter to understand that an attitude isn’t right and why. Help your parents, ask them if there’s anything you can do to help, make a difference without thinking what others are thinking.

There are lots of people full of attitude out there without any solid purpose. Bloggers and celebrities who want us to see them as angels, creating projects that only aim increasing the number of followers, likes or shares.

Have you ever helped someone and thought: okay, I’m helping this person, but it’s actually just a pain for me because it’ll probably ruin my schedule? I consider that on a daily basis, I try to question myself if my help to others will transform into a problem to myself. I have a young child who’s very agitated. I sometimes would like to be of more help to my parents, for example, to dedicate to a social cause, or something. But with my husband working 12 hours a day, all the daily chores are my responsibility.

Being a mom is also about embracing some chores, and letting go of other responsibilities you think you have – like having to help others no matter what. It’s tiresome, I almost never have time to spare. But, when I do, I try to do something for myself – to read a little, to exercise. And that takes no longer than an hour, usually late at night. I don’t blame myself for enjoying this personal time. Yes, I go to the gym after 11 pm. Yes, I read in the bathroom so my daughter will think I’m there out of necessity. I wish she grows up a little so she can be a bit more independent, I wish my husband wouldn’t work so much, I wish I had more willingness to do things for me.

I help others by being honest towards my beliefs, by respecting the laws, by educating my daughter, by recycling my garbage, by respecting the elder, by eating better. I believe it’s more valid to help the whole, than to help a specific person and wanting other to see – and the next day doing it all wrong, such as texting while driving, wasting food, parking somewhere you’re not supposed to.

The wish to help starts from within, and in order to help others, you need also to help yourself.